The Bachelor. Women Tell All. In case you missed it, last night’s special was explosive, to say the least. One of my favorite parts was Rachel Lindsay’s cameo. 

When she arrived to talk about how hate messages plague contestants on the show, I couldn’t help but notice how calm, clear and beautiful her voice sounded. She looked at us, breathed with us, and passionately conveyed the destructive nature of discrimination and hate over the internet. To be honest, I couldn’t get enough. It was such a worthwhile departure from the catfights we experience earlier in the episode.  Yet, was it what she said, or how she said it that made her so powerful? 

While her language was absolutely critical to our experience, her voice and breath were arguably more significant parts of the equation. She took a breath before she spoke, signaling that she was about to say something of value. We felt her authentic voice come through clearly and with resonance. And, perhaps most importantly, she used her emotional life to give meaning to her speech. Rather than let her feelings take over, rendering her unable to finish a sentence, she used her emotions to go through the words. As a result, we felt enthralled by her passion but heard the message.  

Victoria F. was a different story. When she spoke to Peter, we were unclear about how she felt towards him. We obviously knew that she had confessed her love to him, and we saw how she tearfully watched the clips of his rejection at the last rose ceremony. Yet, we couldn’t feel her passion for him. We couldn’t hear how upset she was, and we passed judgment on her ability to connect and communicate. Even throughout the season, we saw how she could cry or get angry but was unable to use language as these emotions overtook her.  Unlike Rachel, she couldn’t use her vulnerability to ignite her words. 

The lesson is clear: emotions are needed. They’re a necessary part of the human condition (thank you, Kelsey W.!), but we must use them to power our message. Our emotions are here for a greater good; to connect, tell a story, and make ourselves present with one another. Do not let them stop you. Allow your feelings to help you become passionately articulate when it matters most.